Tattoos and Roses

As of late, there have been many questions spinning in and around my head.  I seem to be very unsure of a lot of things right now.  I am not happy with my job, I am staying stressed.  I want to make a change, but am utterly terrified of the steps it takes to make those changes.  I want to go back to school.  I would love to live  in a city.  Work in fashion again. What's stopping you, you ask?  ME.  It's a simple answer, but a hard one to face.  I am truly my on worst enemy.  I doubt almost every decision I make.  I wish that the confident girl that didn't take crap from anyone was still here.  She would know what to do.  I have got to find a way to get back to her.  I have hid in the shadows for too long.  I want my time to shine, succeed, and be everything that I am supposed to be. The only things I am certain of are that I have a wonderful band of friends surrounding me, amazing family,...

So over the past month or so there has been a massive debate going on about this new Amendment One, that was officially voted into place as of yesterday.  I am appalled that at the fact that this was even considered. I am trying to figure out how people believe that it is right to strip someone of their right to love.  Have a family. Have companionship.  Provide for for a child and their family.  How can you justify this you ask?? Well, many are stating that since the Bible says that it is wrong for two people of the same sex to marry.  This was the primary basis for a lot of voters. Stating that it is "unnatural" or "a sin" and even heard "an abomination of God." So be it..... However, your Bible also states that if you judge your fellow man that you shall be judged before God.  It also states an eye for an eye.  So what rights were taken away from gay couples and domestic partners (including man/woman) should also be...

So today is mine and Gary's three year anniversary!  I truly can say that three years ago I married my best friend, lover and companion.  The past three years have had a couple twists and turns, but I certainly wouldn't trade any of the time we have spent together. I knew when we dated in high school that there was something about him that I just absolutely fell in love with.  Which I really did.  This week I found out how deep Gary's feelings really go (needless to say I cried).  The following is a poem that he wrote. Learning To Swim In your beautiful green eyes I can see the depths in a sea of love. You taught me how to swim in this sea when I thought I would never leave the shore. My life vest giving way to your arms. Always being the guy that sit on the dock, feet dangling in the water to test it out. You tried to pull me in once but I left before you succeeded. Vowing to never get in over my head. For years I stayed close by the shore, ...

Yesterday my husband and I were out on the town primarily to just get out of the house.  He found a coat that he has been wanting for some time.  He tried it on and it didn't fit.  You could see the disappointment on his face.  Well, guess who comes into the picture to make matters worse....me.  Without thinking about how it would be taken or how it would affect him I said "Loose some weight". Okay, I did not mean for it to sound like I was being mean or that I think he's overweight or anything like that.  That was certainly not what I wanted him to hear.  The response was a well deserved cold response.  Now he is barely speaking two words to me.  I have apologized and explained to him that's not how the comment was meant to be taken.  I am afraid that I may have truly messed this up.  I love Gary with all of my heart and would never do anything that would intentionally hurt h...

There are many things in life that you will have to encounter during this journey on this big spinning ball of dirt.  In the past week I have had to make, what I believe to be, the hardest decision to date.  I had my sweet baby Boots put to sleep.  Yes, the full of energy, ball of fur that I have had since the years my grandparents were alive.  During his last days he was not living a quality of life that I wanted for him.  He had lost so much weight, that all that was left was mainly bones and he had gotten to where it was all he could do to just perform his daily actions like breathing.  I will say that there will never be another Boots.  He was certainly a special cat, friend, and companion.  He had been through all of my rough times with life and relationships, when it appeared that no one else was there.  He was the one that snuggled me all of those nights that I cried myself to sleep or when I just needed someone to talk to....

During this time of year I am always taken back to the days when my grandparents were alive.  Walking into the house and smelling the wonderful aroma of my granny's cooking and hearing her laugh at something that one us did.  Listening to my papa having all of the grandchildren gathered around him tell stories of the days when he was young.  My all time favorite was when he set the barn and mule on fire!  He was so animated.  I seem to think each year that they are slipping farther away from me, but when the holidays come around the pain becomes almost overwhelming again.  I will never understand exactly why they were ripped from our lives so soon or why it seemed so unfair that they were the ones taken and not others.  I miss them.  The days I spent with them I will forever cherish.  I certainly wish they could have been there in person to watch me marry the love of my life and give me the advice that I need when we hit those rocky spot...

So have you ever had the feeling that sometimes your life is spinning out of control or that every turn you make you hit a brick wall.  Well I feel like I have had one of those weeks.  I don't really know if it is just the stress from work that has me all a-muck or maybe I am stressing about the unknown.  All I know is I need a change and I can't wait.